What Story Are you Relating To?
Hi Everyone, Here’s the newest blog post on Gina’s website at
WHAT STORY ARE YOU RELATING TO?
We bring a story into nearly every moment, and that affects how we experience that moment and how we respond. If the story is “I hate washing the dishes” and we are washing the dishes, then our experience of washing the dishes is affected by that. The same is true for relationships. We have stories about our loved ones, such as: “You don’t care about me.” “You’re not attractive enough for me.” “I can’t live without you.” “I need someone more exciting.” “I’m not rich enough for you.” “I can’t see myself with you.” You know what these stories are because they are what you might share with a friend or someone else you’re close to. These stories, the more they are repeated and reinforced, interfere with being present to the people we love, and they are never the whole truth. Rather than responding to our loved ones purely, we let our view of them or our relationship—our story—affect how we react to them. This is going on most of the time unconsciously. We aren’t naturally aware of our stories or examine them until, perhaps, they cause so much trouble that we are forced to.
Our stories about loved ones are created by the ego to strengthen it—to make it look good or maintain its beliefs about itself—so they are nearly always detrimental to relationships. The ego tends to spin negative stories about others, not positive ones. Replacing these negative stories with positive ones—or no story at all—can transform our relationships. For instance, what if your story about your partner was that he or she is the perfect one for you? This is often the story we tell in the beginning of a relationship, but soon the ego begins spinning its negative stories, which are essentially complaints about the other person not complying to our conditioning, fantasies, and desires. We paint the other in a negative light, not because that person isn’t right for us, but because he or she isn’t fulfilling our ego’s dreams and desires.
There’s a big difference between being with the right person and being with the person your ego considers to be the right person. Many of us are with exactly the right person, but our egos don’t think so! Is the ego right? What exposes the ego as an unworthy judge of this is that it finds fault with everyone, after its idealizations have fallen away. The ego won’t ever be happy with who you are with, so it’s best not to base your assessment of your partner on its assessment. It’s in the business of judgment, not love.
Many are in very difficult relationships, and even these are exactly the experience they are meant to have, for the time being anyway. Even an abusive relationship may be the experience we need to wake us up and help us see that we don’t deserve this treatment and get out of it and never make that mistake again. Every relationship we have leads to growth. We are changed by it, in a good way. We learn about ourselves and don’t make the same mistakes again, which makes it more likely the next relationship will be more successful.
To get the most out of the relationship you are in, it won’t be helpful to listen to the ego’s stories about it. They will only keep love from you. The ego’s stories bring separation and conflict. Essence would tell a different story about your loved one than the ego does. What might Essence’s story be? It would probably be something like “This person is in my life for me to love to the best of my ability. Let’s see what happens if I do that.” As Essence, we are here to serve others and to serve life. The ego, on the other hand, is all about serving itself. When we bring the demands and conditions of the ego into our relationships, we always fail. Love can’t survive in an environment of judgments and demands. It needs an environment of acceptance and the willingness to allow others to grow and develop and be as they are meant to, just as a parent would try to provide this for a child. This is great service—to be there for others, to support their growth, to support them in their trials, and to celebrate life with them.
Other people are the companions we (the Oneness that we are) have given ourselves on this journey. If we listen to the ego, others will feel more like adversaries than like another aspect of our own true Self. What if you really knew that the other was an aspect of your own Self, given to you to challenge and support you in your evolution? And given you to love? It’s up to us to take the opportunity to love and not listen to the tales the ego spins.
Sharing a Favorite Spiritual Teacher
I found a spiritual writer, whose work I have really enjoyed and been deeply moved by (yes, I read other authors besides Eckhart Tolle…but don’t tell him, he might be hurt). Her name is Gina Lake and she channels a Higher Level Being named Theo. I have found her work to be along the same lines as Eckhart’s, with the focus on living in the NOW and accepting what life brings us and learning from it and growing. To me, each of her books is a little jewel and I would ask you to consider supporting her by purchasing through her website or amazon. Gina feels the work is so critical to the place that we are all in now that she is offering a lot of her information for FREE, yes, I used the FREE word… go here and get her free 65-page e-book by Gina Lake called “Radiance: Experiencing Divine Presence.” “Radiance” shows you how to experience the divine in the world in simple ways by being very present. It is possible to experience the mysterious truth that everything is an expression of the Divine by paying close attention to the many signs that reveal this great Mystery. “Radiance” points out these clues so that you can more easily recognize yourself as the Divine—that which is creating and has created this “you” that you think you are and all that this “you” is experiencing.
It can be downloaded for free as a PDF at http://www.endless-satsang.com/radiance.html (Nirmala’s website) or at http://www.radicalhappiness.com/free (Gina’s website). Feel free to share it with others who might enjoy it. Love….
